I have never made a huge deal about father’s day. Mainly because my father never made a big deal about it. I would see a commercial for father’s day and think “oh yeah, I need to call my dad and see if he needs anything.” My father was a hugely practical man and he ALWAYS bought anything he needed (and half of the things he wanted) the moment he needed it, which made buying for him immensely difficult. I would always call him a few weeks/days before father’s day and ask him if he wanted/needed anything. He would always reply, “Nope. Just to see you.” And I would inevitably take him out to lunch or dinner to spend time with him and celebrate father’s day. I loved it.
This year, every father’s day commercial I saw was a painful reminder that I will not get to go to lunch or dinner with my daddy for father’s day this year. That thought makes me feel so raw. It makes me want to tell all of my friends to take time to tell their dad’s how much they love them. Luckily I told my dad I loved him almost every day. He knew he was so loved. Which give me some peace, but I miss being able to celebrate with him today.
Grieving is a process. I pray fervently that I am doing it well. I want to remember my father and honor his memory but I realize I have to go on living without him. Knowing him, and his strong gentle spirit helped mold me into the person I am. I acknowledge that losing him is further molding and refining me. It is not a process I enjoy. But I trust the Lord and I trust that this, like everything in life, will be used for God’s glory.
This far, the hardest part of losing my father has been knowing he will not get to interrogate my future husband, give him permission to ask for my hand, walk me down the isle, hold my children or teach them all of the lessons he taught me. I realize I am not promised marriage or children but somehow my grief does not care. I am sad that my father can no longer teach me but I feel so blessed to have had 28 years with him. I hate that if I have kids, they will only know stories of him.
My parents instilled the importance of education in me from an early age. They taught me that dyslexia did not define me. Their abiding love made me BELIEVE I could be intelligent and have a learning disability. My father never missed a single swim meet in the 10 years that I swam competitively. My father always talked to anyone who would listen about how proud he was of his children. I loved being adored by him and most importantly, I KNEW I was adored by him. My father taught me that giving up is not an option. When you commit to something, you follow it through to completion. Acting with integrity is the only option. Always be true to yourself. He taught me that it is okay to laugh at yourself.
My dad was the smartest man I knew. Growing up, both my brother and I tried to emulate him. As adults we continued to want to portray his strengths and seek his advise. I miss my daddy greatly. I am honored and thankful to be his daughter.
Happy father’s day to all the dad’s out there. Today (and every day), take the time to tell your fathers/children how much you love them. As someone who heard it often, trust me, it never gets old!
